November

I still cannot make a decision. John is back, and I know I must tell him about Pedro; I cannot lie to him. Pedro is being a little brat. I have been bringing him food and watching him heal. I told him that I wanted to be with him, but he is still suspicious that I may still want to marry John. How could he be impossible! Why can he not trust me! If he is going to treat me like that, maybe I should spend the rest of my life with him. I had a conversation with Rosaura. She says she no longer wants to sleep with Pedro and told me that I could be with him, but I must never let anyone know and she must still be viewed as a descent wife by everyone. If I did decide to be with Pedro, it would have to be in secret, but Esperanza can grow up with parents who seem normal. But John, oh John, he was so gracious about everything. He told me he did not mind that I slept with Pedro, and that if I still loved him and wanted to marry him, he would still want to marry me. He loves me, and he wants me to be happy, even if I do not choose him. He is so kind and he truly loves me! How could I ever not choose him!